didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Copying an idea from an author is plagiarism.
Copying many ideas from many authors is research.
Teacher: "Write down your best friend's name in English."
Pappu wrote: "Beautiful Red Underwear."
Teacher: "Daydreaming again Pappu, what is the meaning of this?"
Pappu: "His name is Sundar Lal Sheddy"
One day a father called all his six children together and asked them, “Who has been most obedient this week and completed everything mommy asked?”
In one voice they all replied, “You Papa!”
Pappu once rescued six people from a house which was on fire.
Subsequently, Pappu was jailed. Why?
Because all the rescued persons were firefighters.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson: "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes"
Holmes: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Cosmologically, I can see that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes: "Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!"
Why was the cat so small?
Because it drank skim milk.
Pinky: “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
Teeloo: “Send a telegram: RESULT DECLARED, PAST YEAR'S PERFORMANCE REPEATED”
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects.
Q. Why did Pappu sleep with a scale?
A. To measure how long he had slept.
Don't steal: the government hates competition.
Bank: a place that will lend you money only if you can prove you don't need it.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She answered, "If I tell you, it will defeat your purpose."
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Teacher: "You duffers, at your age Einstein was doing advanced mathematical proofs. What about you?"
Student: "Sir, at your age Hitler committed suicide. What about you?"
Anantharaman Subbaraman arrived at London's Heathrow airport. He was waiting and waiting for his visa.
Anantharaman: "Why haven’t you called my name yet?"
Officer: "We've been calling you for the last hour and a half. We've been wondering why you haven’t responded!
Officer: "Anyway, here is your visa, Anotherman Superman."
Pappu opened his lunch box in the middle of the street. Why?
To confirm whether he's on the way to or coming back from his office.
Pinky rushed to see her doctor, very much worried. She rattles off: "Doctor, when I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair wiry and frazzled, my skin wrinkled and pasty, my eyes bloodshot and bugging out, and a corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you nothing's wrong with your eyesight."
What do lions say before they go out hunting?
Let us prey.
Pappu: I went to your house to discuss our marriage…I dont think it's going to work out.
Pinky: Why? Did you meet my father?
Pappu: No, I met your sister.
Boss to Pappu: You are allowed to read the newspaper during working hours and please do not miss the job advertisements.
Doctor: This is your yearly check-up, I need urine, stool, and sperm samples from you.
Pappu: I'm in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!
Always attend other people's funerals or no one will attend yours.
A conclusion is the place you reach when you get tired of thinking.
Pappu (seeking to lodge a complaint at the police station): "I have lost my dog"
Police Inspector: "Why don't you place an advertisement in the newspaper?"
Pappu: "Don't be silly, inspector! My dog can't read!"
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "Only if I'm so lucky."
Little Teeloo came running into the house after school one day, shouting, “Papa, I got a 100 in class today!”
“Kya baat hai Teeloo,” said his father. “Come here and tell me about it.”
“Well,” said Teeloo, “I got 50 marks in English, 30 in Maths and 20 in Science.”
During a marriage ceremony, why is the bridegroom made to sit on a horse?
He's given a final chance to run away.
Pappu took his wife to a coffee shop.
Pappu says: Drink quickly
Wife asks: Arrey Pappu, kyon?
Pappu replies: Hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10.
Pinky gets on a bus with her baby. The Bus Driver says to her, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." Pinky goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. Pinky angrily tells the Man seated next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The Man tells her, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
How did the tiger feel after eating the comedian?
The tiger felt funny.
Bus Cunductor: Why do you stand near the door, is your father a watchman?
Teeloo: Why are you always asking for “change,” is your father a beggar?
When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
Pappu: Dad, What is a duffer?
Teeloo: A duffer is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Pappu: No.
To succeed in politics, it is generally necessary to rise above your principles.
Personnel manager: "What made you leave your last job?"
Applicant: "Sickness."
Personnel manager: "What kind of sickness ?"
Applicant: "My boss was sick of me!"
A Mumbai scene: a beggar meets another beggar, and a software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other, "Which platform are you working on?
A Sunday School teacher asked the children, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
Little Teeloo replied, “Because we must not disturb people while they're sleeping.”
Son to his mother: “The people next door must be poor.”
Mother asks: “Why do you say that?”
The son replied: “Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a ten paise coin.”
A teacher told her students to write a story about a cricket match.
The teacher noticed the students were all busy writing except Pappu.
She went to Pappu and saw that he had written: "Due to rain, match is cancelled!"
Pappu and Teeloo are out in the woods hunting when Teeloo collapses. Pappu whips out his phone and calls emergency services. Pappu gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, Pappu says "OK, now what?"
What do you call a flea that lives in a duffer's head?
A space invader!
Little Pappu: Dad, there is a small PTA meeting at school tomorrow…..
Dad: What do u mean by a small PTA meeting?
Little Pappu: … just you, me and the Principal!
Pappu to Teeloo: Can you believe this? I was sitting in the mandir and in the middle of the aarti, the guy next to me lights up a cigarette. I was so shocked, I nearly dropped my beer!
Pappu opened a college.
The name of the the college was: Women's College for Boys.
A boy asks his father if he can take the care out.
Father: “No, not until you cut your hair!”
Boy: “But father…Jesus had long hair!”
Father: “Yeah and Jesus also walked everywhere."
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Teeloo: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: And the smaller skeleton next to it?
Teeloo: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child.
An IT Worker asks a Construction Worker: What do you have?
The Construction Worker remains quiet.
IT Worker: "I have Money, Brand Name Company, Stock Options. What do you have?"
Construction Worker softly: "I have work."
Teacher: “Children, why do we call our language our mother tongue, and not our father tongue?”
A student quickly answers, “Because in our country the fathers hardly get an opportunity to speak!“
A young man to a young woman at a ball, “Whenever I dance with you, the music lasts such a short time.”
The young women replied, “No wonder, the band leader is my fiance.”
A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic. He kissed her once then twice and said, “Now that’s addition.”
She gave the kisses back and said, “Now that’s subtraction.”
Then he kissed her and she kissed him, without an explanation. Both together said, “That’s multiplication.”
Her Dad appeared upon the scene. He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, “That’s long division!”
How are dolphins more clever than humans?
In two hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!
Pappu: When I die, I want you to pour a bottle of whisky over my body.
Teeloo: Sure! But would you mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?
Q. What is the thinnest book in the world?
A. What men know about women.
Pappu had a dream in which someone murdered him.
The next day he closed his bank account.
The bank's slogan: We make your dreams come true.
Pappu: I thought you were trying to get into shape?
Teeloo: I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Tourist to his Safari Guide: “Are we safe here? Aren’t there any cannibals around ?”
Safari Guide: “Yes, you can be sure there are no cannibals in Africa.”
Tourist: “But the guidebook says there may still be some cannibals here.”
Safari Guide: “No, rest assured since we ate the last one in the previous week.”
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Post Office Clerk to a woman: "This letter is too heavy. You have to put another stamp on it."
The woman: “How would an extra stamp make it lighter.”
Teeloo went to sell his dog.
A buyer asked him, “Is this dog faithful?”
Teeloo replied, “Oh yes. I have sold him three times and each time he came back to me.”
Teacher: "I killed a person."
Convert this sentence into the future tense.
Pappu: "You will go to jail."
